Last Will by Bryn Greenwood

Author:Bryn Greenwood
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2012-01-10T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

PROBLEM

I almost stayed in bed another day, but I admitted to myself that my current state was self-indulgent. It wasn’t a real depression. I’d slept off the real depression, or burned it off with the intense burst of self-loathing that followed the conversation with my mother. Whatever the cause, the thing had fled by Monday morning, so I got up and took a shower. When I came out of the bathroom, Meda was sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for me. I liked that she presumed the familiarity, although it might have been the prerogative of any pretty girl.

“What song was that?” she asked.

“It’s from South Pacific.”

“It’s nice.” When I came over to the bed, she stood up with her hands in her apron pockets. “I’m sorry about how I acted the other night. If you spent ten years trying to get better, then that’s all you can do. I guess you’re just you.”

“Thanks. That makes me feel better, knowing I’m just me.”

“I’m really sorry,” she said again.

I leaned back against the headboard, and looked at her for as long as she would let me. She turned a little pink and started to leave.

“It’s okay. Can I ask why it bothers you? Why my ‘problem’ upsets you so much?” I drew the little quotes in the air and she frowned at me. “I don’t have to keep trying until it makes you sore, but I got a little caught up in the rhythm of it the other day.”

“That’s just it. How do you know when it’s over?”

“I’m perfectly content to stop a lot earlier, after your orgasm.” I enjoyed seeing the way color blossomed in her cheeks. It made me eager to alleviate her anxiety and almost made me forget what I’d been so upset about.

“It doesn’t seem fair for you to not to enjoy it.” She looked so serious I had a hard time not laughing at her.

I fought the urge and said, “You know, the means are pleasurable in themselves, without consideration for the end. And I’m not afraid of a little manual labor, so to speak.”

She laughed more than the joke warranted, and I saw how nervous she was. I felt badly that I’d made her work so hard, and in the silence after her laughter, I got her out of her clothes and into the bed.

Confidence Lost

Meda

I tried not to think about it when we started kissing, but once his secret was out, he’d lost a lot of his confidence. He knew what I was thinking, because he leaned up on his elbow and said, “You know, it’s not always. I do manage it sometimes.”

“Like when?” I asked and he looked a little surprised.

“I guess I’m a better actor than I thought. The night of the Hall of Fame.”

I waited, but that was all he said.

“So, basically, once. What was different about the Hall of Fame?” As soon as I said it, I remembered exactly how it had been different. He had been different.

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